From Gray to Grace

My youth group went to camp this week and I thought it was a good idea to share with anyone who may read this what the Lord did for me.

Over the past couple of months, I have been struggling with what I believe was the onset of depression. I used to have frequent anxiety attacks and those were beginning to return as well. I didn't quite understand what I was going through so I didn't realize that I needed help, so naturally,  I didn't ask for it. I was having a hard time feeling anything except for sadness. I was broken and I didn't even know it because I couldn't feel. I would sit in my group of friends and stare at the wall and just be completely disengaged from everyone. My close friends would always ask what was wrong and my only reply was that I was tired. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't lying because I truly was tired, but there was more going on and I didn't know how to explain it. I didn't know what was going on inside my head and my heart. It was like everything was gray, but I didn't really notice it.

While at camp this week, God completely wrecked my life. Again. He continues to amaze me. On Wednesday (July 13, 2016), we had a fire tunnel. In case you don't know what a fire tunnel is, it's where people make a "tunnel" out of two lines of people and you walk between them and they pray over you. IT'S AWESOME. I went through the fire tunnel and the Holy Ghost was all over me. I could feel His power like crazy, but I still wasn't completely free. I was praying with and for people and then someone came over to me and began to pray. I was slain in the Spirit and I had a vision and God spoke to me. It went as follows:

I was asking to be free and to be able to feel again. He said that in order for that to occur, He had to take something from me. I didn't mind. At this point, I was desperate and I knew that He was good, so I didn't fear. I saw a hand reach into the left side of my chest and pull my heart out. It was gray and shriveled and it wasn't beating. It didn't move at all. Then, the heart was transformed into a new, red, beating, vibrant heart. It was very large and bursting with color. Then I asked Him to renew my mind because battling with your mind is a lot of the fight. I felt a tingling sensation on my forehead that felt like a very gentle finger. It moved down the center of my forehead to my nose and down past my lips to my chin. It repeated this several times. After once or twice of this, two more sensations developed on either side of the center and moved in opposite directions. I lingered in His presence and when I arose, I was no longer the same girl battling with depression and anxiety. I was renewed in my mind and my heart was pure. HE MADE ME NEW. I am a new creation IN Christ. I am IN Him and He is IN me.