Too Loud to Listen

"I will stand at my post,
and station myself on the rampart.
And I will keep watch to see what He will say to me,
and what He will answer concerning my complaint."
-Habakkuk 2:1

I was reading in one of the YouVersion Bible App devotional plans today and this verse and the devotional material really hit me hard.

The author basically just said that we should take time to wait and listen to what God has to say after we pray. That seems like such a basic concept that we have probably all heard before; but for me, hearing this again was an eye opening revelation.

See, I have been going through a battle. I have been battling stress with my job, pregnancy hormones, anxiety and depression, and just everyday life. I have felt like one thing after another has just crashed down on me and I have had a hard time feeling adequate in anything. When I have tried to express my frustrations to some friends (99% of my friends are older than me), I have gotten responses like: "welcome to the real world" or "welcome to adulthood".

Since I am a young adult, I guess people don't realize that I know life is not perfect and something is always gonna go wrong. When you are going through a battle and have no idea how you are gonna make it out, "welcome to life" is the last thing you wanna hear. This frustrated me and made me feel small because I was so wrapped up in my feelings that I forgot to look at the bright side and thank God for the things that were going right in my life.

I have been praying and desperately crying to God because I am at my breaking point with all of this and some social and domestic drama that I have had to endure (plus the hormones make it so much worse...). I feel like I have been pushed beyond my limit and one more thing will just make me completely collapse. Is this too honest? 

I prayed and cried and begged, but felt no relief. I heard nothing from heaven. No solace. No peace. No still small voice. It was only while reading that devotion today did I realize that the problem was not that 'God wasn't answering'. The problem was that I was not taking the time to listen to his voice. I would pray and run right back to my misery because it was comfortable. In my head, I was like: 'Well God, here's what's going on, but I am just gonna go wait over there in my mess until you decide to tell me what to do or fix it or whatever'. And I would just sit there practically plugging my ears so that I didn't 'have to deal' with my problems. All the while, I sat there in them. Makes a ton of sense, right? 

If I would have spent just 5 minutes in HIS presence listening and waiting on HIM, I probably would be past all this mess or at least feel some peace. If I would have picked up the Bible and read, He more than likely would have revealed Himself to me and I would have received hope. 

Are you struggling? Do you feel like you have no hope? Do you feel unloved and betrayed? Have you tried listening? I promise it makes a world of difference!