Love on the Brain: New Creature

The first verse of Ephesians Chapter 4 encourages us to “live a life worthy of the calling

that we have received”. I don’t think that this is a statement referring to being a perfect

person or living a life free of mistakes. Instead, I find this statement to encourage us to

STRIVE to be better. Meaning that we encourage rather than tear down, we love rather

than spread hatred, and so forth. I don’t think that this verse means what a lot of people

take it to mean (that as Christians we are held to a high standard and are expected to be

perfect). We should strive to be perfect as Christ is perfect, but at the same time, God

recognizes and understands our humanity. Jesus did not come to this earth to be an

example in terms that “if He can do it, we can do it”. Jesus came to show us that it is

possible to live like the Perfect One. He came to show us that there IS redemption for our

mistakes. We don’t have to “live up to expectations” or worry about how bad we messed up.

None of that disqualifies us from being a child of God. I think so many people believe that if

they mess up, God won’t love them anymore and that simply is not the case. The TRUTH is in

the Word. The most generic Bible verse of all time, John 3:16, proves this very point. God so

LOVED the world that he gave up his son for you! The Word also says that while we were dead

in our sins, Christ died for us! He never would have sacrificed Himself for us if it weren’t for

incomprehensible love! Reading the book of Ephesians has really changed the way I view God.

I saw God as a supreme leader (Star Wars reference for all you fans :) ) who expected me to do

as instructed “or else”. I thought that if I messed up, I was forfeiting my Christianity and was no

longer worthy to call myself a child of God. I honestly believed that if I made a mistake, I was no

longer welcome in His presence until I “fixed” myself. I have to tell you friends that this is the

furthest delusion from the truth. God made you. He knows you better than you know yourself.

He understands your feelings, desires, and needs before you even know you have them.

After searching, I have found Him to be an extremely benevolent savior, father, and friend.

I have known about Him for years and thought I knew who He was, but I am realizing that

I have never truly known Him. I had made up characteristics for Him and worshiped my

preconceived ideas. This idea was nothing like Him whatsoever. I would have real encounters

with Him, but they would quickly fade away because I would fall back into the mindset that God

didn’t love me unless I was a blameless, spotless, sinless angel. After reading His Word more

and digging deep to find answers, I realized that it didn’t matter how much I screwed up or read

my Bible or went to church. None of that determined His love for me because He knew me

before the foundations of the world. He knew me before my first thought, before my first breath,

He knew me before my parents thought of me and before they were even born. And He loved me

before all that too. You see, there is NOTHING that I could do that would change God’s love for me.

Frankly, I don’t have that much power. The GOD of the UNIVERSE LOVES you. Ponder that for

a moment.

Walking in the Dark

Have you ever slept over at a friend's house and had to get up to go pee in the dark? I'm gonna go ahead an assume that at some point you probably ran into something or stubbed your toe. It probably hurt and took you a moment to get your bearings. This is what it's like to live with anxiety. Everything that you run into in life is a surprise and it always takes a toll on your body and it always takes you time to recover. When you live with anxiety for a while, you begin to get angry with yourself for running into these road blocks. You start to feel dumb and you get mad because you are always falling into the lie that you're not good enough or smart enough to get past these issues that keep taking you by surprise. People with anxiety don't plan when they're gonna run into these things that make life hard, in fact, they do just about everything to avoid it. I don't know about other people, but I get embarrassed if I have an episode in front of people, which makes it so much bigger. It feels like the blanket I tripped on in the floor of this dark house turned into a curio cabinet that I ran into full force. Sometimes when things get super hectic, I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. People, God love them because they're only trying to help, don't help at all. I've learned that having friends can make walking in the dark harder because instead of using night vision goggles or a flashlight to help you see, they will lead you straight into a barrier. Get me straight, I'm not saying that you should just follow a friend, but I am saying that sometimes you just have to. I'm also not saying that they are all bad, but it;s hard to find a good friend who can understand your issues and stick by you through them.

I'd also like everyone who doesn't have anxiety to understand that quoting scripture at someone does not make it suddenly go away. Telling someone to cast their cares upon Jesus doesn't really work unless you can walk them through how to do that.
What does it really mean to 'cast your cares'? How does one do that? How do I physically cast away all this anxiety? I don't understand how to do that.
These are questions that real people with real anxiety have. And honestly, when someone says, "oh sweetie, as a Christian that has no place in your life. Just cast your cares upon Jesus," it's really frustrating because as Christians, we already know. We struggle with the fact that we know we shouldn't have this thing eating away at our thoughts and consciousness, but yet it is still there. We feel guilty because we want to cast all our cares upon Him, but the thing is, we don't know how. Anxiety has held onto us and been so constant that we don't know how to just give it away. How do you give a feeling away, especially to someone you can't physically see. It sounds crazy.

Well, the thing is, it is crazy. Everything about Christianity is crazy. The love of Jesus is crazy. And that love is what will set you free.

Here's how to give it to Jesus:
1. Prayer... I know.. so cliche, but I swear it works!
Start out with just a few moments each day. Just talk to Him. It doesn't have to be about your anxiety, but just take a few minutes and thank Him for what you have or pray for others that are going through things. Honestly, if you feel the need to just yell at God and let him know that you're mad or frustrated, go ahead and do so. He already knows how you feel and He is the only person who won't get mad at you for expressing your feelings in a yelling manner (trust me.. I've been there and I still do it). Prayer doesn't have to be eloquent and beautiful. It's literally just communicating with your heavenly Dad. <3
2. The Word... Yes... also cliche.
You could start out with a few verses a day. Google what the Bible says about anxiety or self-worth. I would suggest searching for devotional reading plans on the YouVersion Bible app in both the App Store and Google Play (no this company did not pay me to advertise for them.. I just really like their plans and the app).
3. Talk with a trusted friend or adult.
Find yourself a spiritual leader, friend, adult, random person on the street and tell them your struggle. Sometimes just talking about what we are going through just makes the journey a little easier. It always helps when you know that you have someone on your side.

Just remember that you're not gonna pray one time and you'll never feel anxious again. This is a process of becoming deeply rooted in the love of Jesus. Anxiety is a lie of the devil and no matter how dark it seems to be right now, joy comes in the morning. We fight things that are not of this world, but the weapons of our warfare they are not carnal, but are mighty through our Lord.

The Best Feeling in the World: Anxiety?

I think the best feeling in the entire world is the feeling of peace after a storm. It seems that I have gone through battle after battle for the past year at the least. Things have been crazy and everything felt upside down. I went to college away from home and I went through a lot there. I began to question everything I knew to be true because of sleep deprivation and stress. I went to see a Psychologist because I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't keep with with the day, my grades were the worst grades I had ever had. I felt lost and alone a lot of the time. I was diagnosed with mental illnesses and I was going to weekly sessions with a counselor just to have a person to talk to. Having Dr. Jones there for me got me through the school year and he made me feel like less of a psycho because he was the one person in the world that I felt understood what was going on in my head. Aside from that, he was the first person to actually listen when I told him that I thought I had a pretty good case of General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). After several sessions with him, he decided that I was right about myself and diagnosed me with GAD along with a phobia and possible depression.
There were days when I would wake up and have to convince myself that the day was worth living (not that I was suicidal, but I just didn't want to get out of bed, see people, or try to do anything in general). This wasn't because I was tired or lazy, I just had no motivation and even thinking about what I NEEDED to do would send me into panic attacks. Dr. Jones taught me relaxation techniques and how to help control my anxiety. He helped me realize that I had more control over anxiety than it had over me. He gave me the tools I needed to overcome the feeling of inevitable dread that looms over me. I still deal with anxiety and I still have panic attacks to this day, but I know that I don't have to let it control my life. Living with anxiety is so hard and people who don't deal with it really don't understand what it's like. I've had people tell me that it's not real and I just need to get over myself. To those people:
I am not faking my anxiety attacks. Panic really overtakes you and sometimes, you just have to let it take its course. I am not telling you lies or exaggerating so you will feel bad for me or give me attention. Maybe some people do, but I am not that person.
The most amazing feeling in the world is looking back at moments where you were stressed out and your anxiety levels were high. When you look back on those moments and you remind yourself of how the situation turned out, you realize that it was never really all that bad. Or maybe it was, but everything is okay now. Maybe you had a conflict with someone and now you have talked it out and things are better. Maybe you had anxiety over life in general and you see that you are still breathing and life is wonderful. You look back and you are thankful for the life you have because in this moment, not even anxiety can ruin your mood. Be thankful for those moments.
I still struggle everyday with anxiety, depression, and an extremely weird phobia, but nights like tonight are what makes life beautiful. Nights where I think back on the past few months and I realize that life really isn't so bad and I am gonna be okay. Nights where my mind is anxiety free despite the troubles and tasks of tomorrow. I am thankful for nights like this. I am beyond blessed!
xoxo
Monica

Do Not Grow Weary

I had a rough Spring break. I had a lot of conflict and people who opposed my choices. I will admit that I got angry and I was confused as to why people who claim to care about me would act this way towards me. I felt like I had been ganged up on and that everyone was just out to get me because they didn't like the choices that I was making. I didn't understand why I was being treated like a child who can't make decisions for the next steps to take in life, but mostly, I didn't understand why God was letting me go through such a rough time. I don't just mean this one disagreement, but over the last year, things have been thrown at me like darts. Everything felt upside down and I felt lost and alone without the approval of my family. But I went to church this morning and everything changed. Pastor Paul Wright talked about a lot of different things this morning, but he mostly focused on Caleb (One of the spies that came back and actually said that the Israelite army could take the promise land despite the giants). He talked about how Caleb literally means, "follows God around like a dog", but Caleb wasn't even mentioned for a long time after he quieted the people who were fearful of the giants. One thing that Pastor Paul said that really stuck out to me was that Caleb wholly followed after God. If you wholly follow after God, the things that people say to you and do to you really don't matter. If you are following Him, that's all that matters. If you are constantly listening to everything that everyone around you says, are you really listening to the voice of God? (I am preaching this to myself above all people). It is a concept that everyone knows, but seems to throw out the window in times of chaos and stress! We forget that God is all powerful and we start looking at the rising waters beneath our feet, just like when Peter walked on the water. When we begin worrying about how others will feel or what they will say, that's when you start sinking and eventually drowning. You will feel like you have no motivation for anything and depression will start creeping in and taking over your life. Trust me, I've been there! When you get to that point, you start to question if God is even listening, then if He even cares, and finally you begin to wonder if He is even real. You will wallow in self pity and doubt until one day, the silence breaks and you hear His voice. He says something like, "Hey you! Yeah. You. Over here. See here in my word? This is what I've been trying to tell you for so long. I love you. Come home." It really is that simple. A verse that Pastor Paul used in his message this morning that really helped bring this concept home for me is Galatians 6:9. 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

See I grew tired of trying to do the right thing and feeling like I still lost, but one day, I will reap a harvest that can never be taken away. Be different as God calls you to be different. Don't fret and worry about people who say that you are doing the wrong thing as long as you are following His word. Pray about His will and follow it! Don't grow weary of following Him for He is with you wherever you go! If you find yourself becoming weary and burdened, 

"but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint." Is. 40;31

To sum it all up:

1. Rely on the direction of God and do not worry about what other people think of you. 

2. Look to Him in stress and chaos

3. Do not grow wearing in doing good. 

God Bless!

Tell the World

Something I have learned recently is that no matter how far you run or fall from grace, the Lord is still faithful. He still has plans for your life and he holds you in the palm of His hand. In light of that, it is our constant responsibility as followers of Christ to share that Good News with everyone that we possibly can. Running around screaming Jesus can be effective in very limited circumstances, but not usually. God is not always expecting you to walk up to random strangers and ask them if they know Jesus (although He can and does). He is simply asking us to live everyday as examples and temples of His glory. We should be looking for someone to build a relationship with and then share Jesus. We should also be looking for young Christians that we can teach and disciple. How are young Christians to survive if we just say "Here's the love of Jesus! Glad you found Him. Good luck!"? We are to teach and encourage them daily. The church should me missions minded. The purpose of salvation is to save those whom He loves and that is why we should spend at least a little bit of our time everyday to focus on spreading the Gospel! 

Begin praying that the Lord will help you to have a heart for missions and that you would encounter someone to help have THE ENCOUNTER every single day! Pray for countries, people groups, and missionaries all around the world!